The systems analyst came for tea ..
The cast :
Molly , the harmonious congenial host
The systems analyst ( software revision A24 , rollout date 1983 )
The Scene :
Typical English post war chintz style house ..
Background music supplied by Glenn Miller plays ( a recording , not the real one , he's dead ) , summer birdsong can be heard in the distance ...
Scene One :
Molly and the Systems analyst sit around a coffee table while Molly pours a cup of tea ...
Molly : " Would you like sugar with your cup of tea ? "
Sys An :
Definition : Sugar a carbohydrate which is sweet to taste. They are used in food and drink, as a source of sweetness and energy and are important in biochemistry. In general use, "sugar" is taken to mean Sucrose, also called "table sugar" or saccharose, a disaccharide which is a white crystalline solid. It is the most commonly used sugar for altering the flavor and properties ('mouthfeel', preservation, texture) of beverages and food. Table sugar is commercially extracted from either sugar cane or sugar beet. The "simple" sugars or monosaccharides, such as glucose (which is produced from sucrose by enzymes or acid hydrolysis), are a store of energy which is used by biological cells.
Process : Sugar mixes on a non molecular level within the tea .
Result : A pleasing carbohydrate lift to the bevarage is noted
Conclusion : " Err yes two lumps please ... "
Molly : "There you go dear , it may be a bit hot though , watch you pinkies .. Brenda say's your getting married in June love ? "
Sys An :
Definition : mar·riage
n.
The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.
The state of being married; wedlock.
A common-law marriage.
A union between two persons having the customary but usually not the legal force of marriage: a same-sex marriage.
A wedding.
Process : Arrive at church on time , say some shit , sign a book , get laid ...
Result : The marrage after costing a small fortune will end ( after many years of compromise , toilet seat putting down , visiting inlaws , doing things you don't want to do , lack of sex and arguments ) , probably in a divorce ...
Conclusion : Yes , in June , at the old church , it'll be lovely dear
Molly : " That's nice , would you like a biscuit ? "
Sys An :
Definition : Biscuit .. a baked product which in North America would be called a "cookie" or "cracker". Many regional varieties, both sweet and savoury exist, often produced in industrial quantities by large food concerns. Sweet biscuits are commonly eaten as a snack and may contain chocolate, fruit, jam or nuts. Savoury biscuits, sometimes called crackers, are plainer and commonly eaten with cheese following a meal.
A basic biscuit recipe includes flour, shortening (often lard), baking powder or soda, and milk (buttermilk or sweet milk). Common variations involve cheese or sugar.
Process : remove biscuit from plate , put in mouth , crunch !
Result : A pleasing accompaniment that will complement the tea ( with two sugars ) very nicely ..
Conclusion : "Yes please , I'll have that shortbread on the side of the plate thanks " ..
Molly : "How's you new job dear , Brenda say's your a systems analyst at the big factory down the road ? "
Sys An :
Definition : Systems analysis is the science dealing with analysis of complex, large scale systems and the interactions within those systems. This field is closely related to operations research.
The systems discussed within systems analysis can be within any field such as industrial processes, management or decision making processes, environmental protection processes etc. Systems analysis researchers apply mathematical methodology to the analysis of the systems involved trying to form a detailed overall picture.
The typical use of systems analysis is to guide decisions on issues such as national or corporate plans and programs, resource use and protection policies, research and development in technology, regional and urban development, educational systems, and other social services. Clearly, the nature of these requires an interdisciplinary approach.
Process : Get up , go to work , spend money ...
Result : More money
Conclusion : " It's ok , but I really don't think I have the right aptitude for the job ... '
Molly : " That's a shame , you can always find a new job after Christmas dear . "
Sys An :
Definition : Christmas (literally, the Mass of Christ) is a holiday in the Christian calendar, usually observed on December 25, which celebrates the birth of Jesus. According to the Christian gospels, Jesus was born to Mary in Bethlehem, where she and her husband Joseph had travelled to register in the Roman census. Christ's birth, or nativity, was said by his followers to fulfill the prophecies of Judaism that a messiah would come, from the house of David, to redeem the world from sin. Early Christians celebrated more the subsequent Epiphany, when the baby Jesus was visited by the Magi. Efforts to assign a date for his birth began some centuries later. The precise chronology of Jesus' birth and death as well as the historicity of Jesus are still debated.
Process : Spend lots of money , buy a big tree , get pissed , watch the TV , have rows with the relatives ...
Result : No positive result can be computed as such ...
Conclusion : " Yeah , I think I may be changing jobs after the holidays ... "
Molly : " Yes , you look like you need a holiday ? "
Sys An :
Definition : The word holiday has related but different meanings in English-speaking countries. Based on the English words holy and day, holidays originally represented special days of the Christian Church calendar. The word has evolved in general usage to mean any special day.
In the United States, a holiday is a day set aside by a nation or culture (in some cases, multiple nations and cultures) typically for celebration but sometimes for some other kind of special culture-wide (or national) observation or activity. A holiday can also be a special day on which school and/or offices are closed, such as Labor Day.
In most of the rest of the English speaking world (including Australia, Canada, Ireland, New Zealand, South Africa, and the United Kingdom) a holiday is also a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation (e.g. "I'm going on holiday to Majorca next week"), the American equivalent being "vacation".
Process : Pack suitcase , get on plane , get off plane , sit on deckchair , get sunburnt ..
Result : Feel like you need another holiday , to get over the first holiday ..
Conclusion : "No , I'll just wait till the honeymoon . "
Molly : " Oh that is lovely dear ... "
Molly then stand's up and abruptly keels over dead ..
The birds stop singing and the music ends with a huge record scratch .
The systems analyst looks most shocked
The curtain falls ...
The End ...
Players stand up and take a bow to rapturous applause ..
Molly , the harmonious congenial host
The systems analyst ( software revision A24 , rollout date 1983 )
The Scene :
Typical English post war chintz style house ..
Background music supplied by Glenn Miller plays ( a recording , not the real one , he's dead ) , summer birdsong can be heard in the distance ...
Scene One :
Molly and the Systems analyst sit around a coffee table while Molly pours a cup of tea ...
Molly : " Would you like sugar with your cup of tea ? "
Sys An :
Definition : Sugar a carbohydrate which is sweet to taste. They are used in food and drink, as a source of sweetness and energy and are important in biochemistry. In general use, "sugar" is taken to mean Sucrose, also called "table sugar" or saccharose, a disaccharide which is a white crystalline solid. It is the most commonly used sugar for altering the flavor and properties ('mouthfeel', preservation, texture) of beverages and food. Table sugar is commercially extracted from either sugar cane or sugar beet. The "simple" sugars or monosaccharides, such as glucose (which is produced from sucrose by enzymes or acid hydrolysis), are a store of energy which is used by biological cells.
Process : Sugar mixes on a non molecular level within the tea .
Result : A pleasing carbohydrate lift to the bevarage is noted
Conclusion : " Err yes two lumps please ... "
Molly : "There you go dear , it may be a bit hot though , watch you pinkies .. Brenda say's your getting married in June love ? "
Sys An :
Definition : mar·riage
n.
The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife.
The state of being married; wedlock.
A common-law marriage.
A union between two persons having the customary but usually not the legal force of marriage: a same-sex marriage.
A wedding.
Process : Arrive at church on time , say some shit , sign a book , get laid ...
Result : The marrage after costing a small fortune will end ( after many years of compromise , toilet seat putting down , visiting inlaws , doing things you don't want to do , lack of sex and arguments ) , probably in a divorce ...
Conclusion : Yes , in June , at the old church , it'll be lovely dear
Molly : " That's nice , would you like a biscuit ? "
Sys An :
Definition : Biscuit .. a baked product which in North America would be called a "cookie" or "cracker". Many regional varieties, both sweet and savoury exist, often produced in industrial quantities by large food concerns. Sweet biscuits are commonly eaten as a snack and may contain chocolate, fruit, jam or nuts. Savoury biscuits, sometimes called crackers, are plainer and commonly eaten with cheese following a meal.
A basic biscuit recipe includes flour, shortening (often lard), baking powder or soda, and milk (buttermilk or sweet milk). Common variations involve cheese or sugar.
Process : remove biscuit from plate , put in mouth , crunch !
Result : A pleasing accompaniment that will complement the tea ( with two sugars ) very nicely ..
Conclusion : "Yes please , I'll have that shortbread on the side of the plate thanks " ..
Molly : "How's you new job dear , Brenda say's your a systems analyst at the big factory down the road ? "
Sys An :
Definition : Systems analysis is the science dealing with analysis of complex, large scale systems and the interactions within those systems. This field is closely related to operations research.
The systems discussed within systems analysis can be within any field such as industrial processes, management or decision making processes, environmental protection processes etc. Systems analysis researchers apply mathematical methodology to the analysis of the systems involved trying to form a detailed overall picture.
The typical use of systems analysis is to guide decisions on issues such as national or corporate plans and programs, resource use and protection policies, research and development in technology, regional and urban development, educational systems, and other social services. Clearly, the nature of these requires an interdisciplinary approach.
Process : Get up , go to work , spend money ...
Result : More money
Conclusion : " It's ok , but I really don't think I have the right aptitude for the job ... '
Molly : " That's a shame , you can always find a new job after Christmas dear . "
Sys An :
Definition : Christmas (literally, the Mass of Christ) is a holiday in the Christian calendar, usually observed on December 25, which celebrates the birth of Jesus. According to the Christian gospels, Jesus was born to Mary in Bethlehem, where she and her husband Joseph had travelled to register in the Roman census. Christ's birth, or nativity, was said by his followers to fulfill the prophecies of Judaism that a messiah would come, from the house of David, to redeem the world from sin. Early Christians celebrated more the subsequent Epiphany, when the baby Jesus was visited by the Magi. Efforts to assign a date for his birth began some centuries later. The precise chronology of Jesus' birth and death as well as the historicity of Jesus are still debated.
Process : Spend lots of money , buy a big tree , get pissed , watch the TV , have rows with the relatives ...
Result : No positive result can be computed as such ...
Conclusion : " Yeah , I think I may be changing jobs after the holidays ... "
Molly : " Yes , you look like you need a holiday ? "
Sys An :
Definition : The word holiday has related but different meanings in English-speaking countries. Based on the English words holy and day, holidays originally represented special days of the Christian Church calendar. The word has evolved in general usage to mean any special day.
In the United States, a holiday is a day set aside by a nation or culture (in some cases, multiple nations and cultures) typically for celebration but sometimes for some other kind of special culture-wide (or national) observation or activity. A holiday can also be a special day on which school and/or offices are closed, such as Labor Day.
In most of the rest of the English speaking world (including Australia, Canada, Ireland, New Zealand, South Africa, and the United Kingdom) a holiday is also a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation (e.g. "I'm going on holiday to Majorca next week"), the American equivalent being "vacation".
Process : Pack suitcase , get on plane , get off plane , sit on deckchair , get sunburnt ..
Result : Feel like you need another holiday , to get over the first holiday ..
Conclusion : "No , I'll just wait till the honeymoon . "
Molly : " Oh that is lovely dear ... "
Molly then stand's up and abruptly keels over dead ..
The birds stop singing and the music ends with a huge record scratch .
The systems analyst looks most shocked
The curtain falls ...
The End ...
Players stand up and take a bow to rapturous applause ..
posted by london cokehead at 8:21 PM
3comments:
man, you are one multitalented cokehead.
so:
ha ha ha for this post.and the others. and the ones to follow.truly.
Hello Blogger,
I quite enjoyed going through your site - found it while I was searching the web for certain info on Monosaccharides. Keep up the good work.
Have you heard about these Monosaccharides? If not pop by and learn.
Fuck off!
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